Yorkshire IV


David Wilson, Jack Halliday, Rebecca Diss, Úna Barker, Ana Teck, Lucie Studena, Matti Mitropoulos, Ellie Pizey, Linus Thümmel, Chris Hayes, Mia Jones


First aid training: David Wilson, Matti Mitropoulos, Ellie Pizey, Chris Hayes, Jack Halliday, Rebecca Diss, Úna Barker, Ana Teck, Lucie Studena, Linus Thümmel, Mia Jones

As expected everyone was quite unhappy with the early rise for the first aid course, but luckily no one went looking for someone to blame (me). I thought Sean struck a good balance between fulfilling the requirements of the qualifications whilst keeping it realistic and practical. While the content was informative and potentially life-saving, it wouldn’t be that interesting to read about so here are a few quotes that made me laugh instead.

Sean to his creepy demonstrator doll: ‘She proved her worth during lockdown…’ pulling her out of her bag by her crotch.

Diss, to the doll: ‘Such great hair!’ Sean: ‘Yeah she’s got lovely head hair’ Diss: ‘Head hair?!’ Sean: ‘Well, you know…’

Una reassuring Ellie: ‘No you do not have a massive erection’ (re: priapism)

Great Douk: David Wilson, Matti Mitropoulos, Ellie Pizey, Chris Hayes

Huge amounts of umming and ahing occurred about whether we should go caving after dinner. Diss and Davey had absolute power on choice of cave as they were driving. I thought my suggestion of Notts 2 was quite reasonable but the profane comments that was met with suggested otherwise. Davey decided he would be willing to drive to Chapel le Dale - trip decided. Diss took all of her kit to the bus, opened the door, realised she forgot her oversuit, and bailed.

Davey got over-excited and pre-emptively drove straight into a ditch. Lots of scraping and wheel spinning eventually got us out, to Davey’s relief, and he reluctantly parked in the pleasant layby 10m down instead. Ellie didn’t even bother changing into her undersuit, opting for dungarees instead. I got unreasonably excited by the prospect of entering a cave after dark.

Scrambling up Douk’s undeservedly grand entrance and passing the only crawl, the holes in my wellies rapidly made the decision for me whether I wanted to commit to wet feet. I therefore had fun teasing Ellie by splashing the back of her oversuit, hoping it would seep into her dungarees. We all got wet calves anyway so I didn’t feel too bad.

Chris offered round exquisite cinnamon and raisin bagels at the turnaround point, only improved by the finest manure-riddled river water for some contrast in texture. A swift exit – in an out in under an hour. While no epic it was enough to satisfy the itch I had felt over dinner. Quality low-effort short cave.



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